After a moment, I felt like as if I made a huge mistake. I had two offers resulting from the three interviews that I went through when applying for projects in the AIESEC Opportunities page. The first one was to teach English in Phnom Penh, Cambodia and the second one was to teach English and conduct fun leadership programmes for children in Depok, Indonesia. After seeking consent and opinions from my parents, I chose Indonesia. But deep in my heart, I wanted to go to Cambodia instead.
Probably there are hikmahs behind all of these. Who knows? Just have to be patient and see what Allah has planned for me.
After more than a month of completing this exchange in Indonesia, I came to realise that there are no mistakes. Allah has placed me in this direction for a reason; He wants me to develop.
The first and foremost reason why I really didn't want to go to Indonesia was because of the non-existence of language barrier, well... at least for me. Malaysia and Indonesia share a lot of similarities in terms of language, history and culture. Only when these two countries were colonised by the different colonies, things started to divide in between us. We became too obsessed with our separate nationalisms that we ended up in becoming two different countries. Before I diverge too much let me just go back to the language discussion. So basically, because I technically can speak Bahasa Indonesia fluently, I felt like everything will be just fine. Besides, people will mistake me as a local and in fact, that's what really happened.
I came across the Bahasa Indonesia during my childhood days when I used to watch a lot of Sinetrons (Indonesian dramas) with subtitles. A lot of Indonesians also migrate to Malaysia to find jobs that will ensure they are able to provide food on their dinner table. Some of them work at the local neighbourhood market, so sometimes I would interact with them. At times, I would sometimes imitate how Indonesians speak, but I'm really sorry to say, when we Malaysians imitate, it is usually made in a playful manner.
I thought that when I had these "practices" in imitating how Indonesians speak. I would never encounter any problem. However, when I got there, I somehow felt like I would offend someone if I try to speak like an Indonesian. So I tried to keep true to myself and speak normally like I do when I speak my mother tongue. What happened was that my speech became really unnatural as I try to use Indonesian vocabs into my Malaysian way of speaking. It felt really weird to omit "lah" from my sentences and to speak kind of like a "Bahasa Baku" (Indonesians stress on the vowels pronunciation really hard).
Upon knowing that I understand the local language, sometimes due to lack of translators showing up for the English lessons, the organising committee will prioritise other classes that need a translator more than my class does. I would end up becoming a translator instead! On other occasions, such as travelling around Jakarta on a public transport, a lot of my fellow Exchange Participants like to travel with me as communication would be easier.
So I did a lot of communications with the people around me; the teachers, the pupils in the schools that we taught, the locals and my friends. Being on this exchange enhanced my communication skills and boosted my confidence when being around new people. So if I taught that non-existence of language barriers sucked, well think again! Probably with a language barrier, I wouldn't have been able to put a lot of my communication skills to practice and only relying on others to do the talking for me.
The second method how Allah wanted me to improve myself was by surrounding me with people of different cultural, political and religious background. Although I listed three kinds of background, I will focus on the third one which is religion. I was really lucky to have gotten into serious and deep conversations with a few other Exchange Participants while we chill out and have something to sip on. These conversations widened my horizon to the different kinds of treatment towards religion; some people believe and pray to God, but just doesn't want to engage in religious commitments such as praying 5 times a day or going for a weekly church sermon; and some don't even give a shit about it although it is proven that at some points of their life, they really depended on God's miracle to help them; and people similar to me, learning about God and doing our best to live the life that He wanted us to, except that we have different beliefs (for she is a Christian).
Allah wanted me to question myself on why I'm doing the stuffs that I do by using my friends as a medium (they asked me questions), for example "Why do I pray five times a day?" or "Why do I wear a tudung (hijab)?". Is it because of what was written in the Quran? Is it because I fear God and His Hellfire? Or is it because I truly understand the reason behind the creation of humans; to become his Servant and to become the ones responsible upon the World?
And as I gave answers to these questions, I reflect back on myself, am I really doing what I am saying? Each of these moments were the reminders that Allah sent to me, to always make sure that I am on track whenever I get laid back in certain aspects of my life; eg. when I pray just for the sake of making movements, but my focus and attention are somewhere else other than to Allah.
The third aspect that Allah wanted me to develop was my kindness. Kindness, according to most of the "sugar cubes" (appreciation letter) that I got from my friends, is a core value that makes up my character. This actually ties back with the first thing that I mentioned above, which is that I didn't have any problems in terms of language barriers. If it had not been for me to be able to communicate well with the people around me, I don't think I would have been able to help and support my friends throughout the programme. I wouldn't have had the confidence to accompany my injured friend to a hospital if I couldn't speak the local language. It was a bonus for me to have the capabilities to communicate well with the locals, as without them, I wouldn't have been able to do any form of kindness, and ultimately, wouldn't even realise this quality of mine as my "sugar cubes" would be filled in other adjectives to describe me (which would be different as different people perceive me differently; "kind" was a repetitive word that I received from them).
Hence I thank Allah for placing me in this path, a path that I once hated but now cherished as I realise the benefits that I gained by going through it boldly.
